Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (5): Why me or why not me? Your choice

“Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…”

*Below is the fifth installment of a series of articles from the real life experiences of the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places. These stories are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: 2008.

You wonder why other people seem to cruise through life while you are struggling.

In this article, we continue looking at “The Scenario” (introduced first in “Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path [2]” and further examined in “Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path [3] and [4]”).

- Steps up to now -

In “Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (2), (3), and (4)” we discussed The Scenario (below):

You’ve been trying to do something (or have something) for quite sometime, but it’s just not happening. You feel like you’ve done all your homework and “checked all the blocks” required for the task. Whatever it is you want, you feel that it’s really, really important and you want it bad! You begin to envy the other people who already have it. You wonder why, with all the hard work you’ve done, you don’t have it by now too? Sometimes you get angry, depressed, or discouraged because you don’t have it yet. You wonder why other people seem to cruise through life while you are struggling.

Recap of the first six sentences (discussed in the three preceding articles):

We saw negativity attracting negativity and a non-committal attitude (just trying). We talked about the Fear/Manifestation Paradox, due diligence, and envy. We looked at effectiveness, excellence, and efficiency. Lastly, we explored the importance of clarity and certainty.

Actions to Practice:

*Focus on what you desire, not on what you don’t have.
*Don’t complain, instead, be grateful for what you already have (and for what’s on its way).
*Do something everyday that takes you a little closer to your goal.
*Be effective first. Then be excellent - whether you get praise or not. Lastly, be efficient (meaning: do things quickly AND correctly).
*Be absolutely Clear in your intentions.
*Be Certain. If you can’t will yourself to be Certain, fake it until you feel it. Certainty cures doubt and worry.

- Last Sentence of The Scenario -

You wonder why other people seem to cruise through life while you are struggling.

There are two ways you can view this sentence: The Loser’s Way or The Winner’s Way.

- The Loser’s Way -

“Oh, woe is me.”

Almost all losers harbor a victim mentality. (The only exception might be the people who lack the skills to read these words. For example, the mentally challenged, bona fide Psychiatric patients, etc.).

Losers habitually blame everything and everybody else for their personal plights. They revel in their refusal of reality, the reality that they are the First Cause of their own troubles.

They are masters of avoiding anything that might require a little work or a little courage. Personal responsibility is not part of their natures (or even in their vocabularies).

They love to gather with fellow losers (of which, there never is a shortage of) and share in communal commiseration. Consciously or subconsciously, they bask in the attention that their “bad luck or broken wing” gets from onlookers.

Personally, I believe that most losers choose their limited lives because of: 1) Ignorance – maybe they have never been exposed to people and media that espouse a different way of thinking (like this series of articles), 2) Fear – afraid of what might happen if they actually succeed at anything, and 3) Indolence – they are simply to lazy to put forth the time and effort required for success.

You can be a victim or you can be a winner. You can’t be both!

- The Winner’s View -

The winner is the person who, in spite of all odds, keeps on keeping on.

Winners are persistent. Winners know that success is inevitable as long as they don’t give up.

Walt Disney launched Mickey Mouse at the lowest point in his career. Edison had thousands of failed experiments before inventing a long-lasting light bulb. Ford spent years of failure-ridden R&D to come up with the one-block engine.

Oftentimes, the prize does not go to the most skilled, but to the most stubborn!

It’s the boxer who just keeps getting up from a knockdown.

It’s the tennis player who scrambles through a long point just to get the ball over the net one more time.

It’s the marathoner or triathlete who plugs away at the miles and sees all the previous leaders fall from the race.

- There’s no such thing as “Failure” -
Similar to the concept of hot and cold as being just two points on a temperature scale, winners know that failure and success are merely two points on the success continuum.

In other words, as long as one doesn’t quit, there is no such thing as failure, just opportunities to learn (for the next time).

Winners don’t complain. They do.

Never forgetting that “people become the information they seek and the company that they keep”, winners avoid group pity parties. They take full responsibility for everything in their lives – that means everything, the good and the bad.

They celebrate the good and move on. They learn from the bad and move on. They don’t stagnate, worry, or whine. They keep moving!

And the momentum of positive things, people, and places moves them faster and faster toward their goals.

- With Ease -

Ever notice how winning professionals make what they do look so easy?

The answer is simple.

Practice, preparation, and certainty.

I’m sure Tiger Woods couldn’t tell you how many golf balls he hit before winning his first tournament. Michael Jordan probably couldn’t tell you how many hours he spent on the basketball court before turning pro. And Roger Federer couldn’t tell you how many serves, overheads, forehands, and backhands he hit before winning his first Grand Slam event.

Proper preparation leads to professional performance.

Look at successful people in any endeavor. They leave virtually nothing to chance. They do everything possible to ensure success.

While I was in the military, we prepared for any contingency we could think of. We trained, trained, and trained – until everything was second nature.

Many times, when Plan A had to be aborted, Plan B was activated. And since we’d practiced it so many times, we did it almost with no extra effort or conscious thought.

Professionals (winners) prepare and practice until mastery. They keep their magnificent obsessions in the forefront of their minds and do everything imaginable to increase the likelihood of success.

They have that indescribable “it” that drives them on.

It’s the investor who actually reads the quarterly and annual reports of the companies he’s invested in.

It’s the speaker who rehearses his speech until he doesn’t need to look at his notes.

It’s the astronaut who knows all his duties, safety checks, and emergency procedures by heart.

It’s the Parachutist or SCUBA Diver who knows his body and his equipment’s full capabilities and limitations.

- Certainty Revisited -

Did you know that almost all Gold medalists “won their gold medals in their mind” thousands of times before getting their gold medals in reality?
It’s all about Certainty. Winners are Certain. There is never a doubt in their minds about the outcome. They’ve already “seen” it. They’ve already “felt” it. And they’ve already “won” it in their minds. Their whole being becomes saturated with Certainty.
Consequently, all their actions are fluid and deliberate.
And the Universe promptly delivers.
Reality catches up to their inner game and further bolsters the winner’s Certainty. It’s a wonderful cycle!
In other words, everything a winner does supports and builds confidence, mastery, and Certainty.
The end result is a powerful calmness that pushes away all fear and doubt. In the winner’s mind he has done all that’s necessary for success. He has put in his order to the Universe, done his due diligence, and “pre-lived” his success.
Now he can just be thankful, let go and receive.
- Article’s Practice Points -
*Think like a Winner.
*Never complain. Look. Then Do.
*Practice, Prepare, and Be Certain
*Relax, Be Thankful, Let go, and Receive.

This concludes our series of articles about The Scenario.

After all of our analysis, introspection, and discussion, the question you should ask yourself now is not “Why me?” but “Why not me?”

Why not me, indeed!

“Until next time, be brave enough to take a Different Path!”

Your Friend in this Intrepid Journey called Life,

Carl “J.C.” Pantejo

Prosperity, Universe, success, winners, losers, victim mentality, certainty, practice, preparation, mastery, relax, let go.

Note: If you want to read more about Universal Laws, success, unconditional love, exorcizing past personal demons, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:

“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path: Guardian Angels and Universal Laws.”

“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (2): Trying too hard?”

“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (3): First, Be Effective.”

“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (4): Intend. Be Certain.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ series, articles (1) – (20).” (This is a series of articles about love, romance, Asian/Western relationships, relationship analysis, and more.)

“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive”

“Remember Who You Are!”

“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”

“Simple (and Priceless) Life Lessons from the Most Influential Prosperity Mentor in My Life - My Father”

And much more!

(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)

Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com

About The Author

Carl “J.C.” Pantejo
Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com
Author, “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor,” Copyright August 2007
Founder, Y.N. Vurce Publishing
http://www.ynvurcepublishing.com
“Come visit. You’re always welcome.”

He is a retired U.S. Military veteran. Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an A.A., B.S., and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic. In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he free-fall parachuted out of airplanes and performed diving ops in very deep, open ocean water.

How To Make Many Friends Easily

How to make many friends easily..

With every goal you have in life, people will always be a critical part of it. How fast you reach your goals depends on how well you deal with people and the level of influence you have on them. In order to really influence people you must become a person who is likable. How do you become likable? You must have a sincere interest in other people. Every person on this earth wants to feel important, so you need to treat everyone with the up most importance, because they deserve it. Remember no one is better than you and you are not better than anyone, we are all human beings who deserve the same amount of respect.

Becoming Likable:

Setting the Stage

Your goal in meeting people should be to consciously be the first to initiate and set the stage for conversation. Most people are hesitant to be the first, don’t be like most people step out of your comfort zone. I know that if you are a shy person that this can be one of the hardest things for you to do, but the more you do it, the more you condition your self for it to become second nature. As a small kid I used to be really shy but I noticed that the kids that where outgoing tended to be the happier kids so I began to step out of my comfort zone and now I feel I can walk up to almost anyone. This is going to take time; things don’t happen over night but don’t let this discourage you. Many people feel that for you to become proficient in something takes around five years. Don’t waste anytime, start today and each day after that will get easier. Each different experience will later serve as a reference to remind you, that you can approach almost anyone. By being the first to initiate conversation you also automatically have a certain degree of control, you are able to draw people into your own rhythms. Have you ever noticed how persuasive people are able to seduce you to their ways, dictating your body language and basically synchronizing it to theirs? This is because people naturally imitate other people as a way of communicating with the other person. So if you are the first you get to decide what angle to approach. So if the person you are approaching appears sad, approach them with a big confident smile. Odds are they will slowly begin to smile; you will automatically change their mood. Now you will have a better chance of having a better conversation.

In setting the stage you will need to train your self to pick up any subtle signals that the person you are approaching is giving off. With time you will be able to sum up a person in a blink of an eye and from what your subconscious catches use it help you set the stage. This will require you to have an open mind and immerse your self in as many different worlds/cultures as possible. That’s why I never limit my self to one particular set of friends. I have friends from all sorts of backgrounds. I have friends who are skaters, basketball players, artists, musicians, writers, etc. By having so many friends with diverse interests I quickly learn about their worlds. By knowing what kind of stage to set up you will know how to get the other person to think very highly of you. For example by being observant you will catch the subtleties in the way a person appears to be (The way he is dressed, body language, tone of voice, language, etc.) which will help you to imagine placing your self in there shoes. By really imagining what being that person is like it will give you a good idea of how he/she is feeling. This in turn helps you get a better idea of what appproach to use when trying to communicate effectively with them. When I am able to pick up persons subtleties I will know what topics, questions, and general things that appeal to them which gives me information to work with in the process of winning that person as a friend. Like if know this person is really passionate about cars, I will ask a question with the minimum knowledge I have about something that he knows or thinks he knows a lot about.

Now you set the stage for Mike who will love to tell me exactly why the Mitsubishi EVO is better. When someone is knowledgeable about something it’s in their nature to tell you because it is one more opportunity for them to show how great or smart they are. You have to cater to their ego and never test or contradict their ideas, because their ego will not accept someone who is supposed to know less tell them they are possibly wrong. If I would have told him that I heard that the Subaru WRX is better, we would have just gotten in an argument that he would not have backed out of. But I didn’t and now they will love me for it, because I was taking interest into what he enjoys.

Body Language

Whenever you approach someone for the very first time your body language will do most of the talking and the other person will immediately have a first impression of you. So you must always be aware that whatever you say your body is also in agreement. If you say one thing and your body says the opposite you will come out as someone fake. We have all seen the girl that walks up to another girl and says “I’m so happy to see you…how you been?....you look so good…” but their body language is saying “what are you doing here….I’m not really listening to what your saying” this is easily seen and can be one of the rudest things you can do in trying to make new friends. Always approach someone with open gestures and a smile. If you approach someone with crossed arms, this will automatically make the other person defensive and question your motives. Approach them with open arms and a gentle smile, smiling is infectious if the other person has a stern look on their face the moment youapproach them with a smile you will gradually notice that they will smile too. This usually sets it up for a good conversation because both people are in good moods. Try this - if you’re in a neutral mood right now, put a big smile on your face for no reason if you pay attention you can feel your body changing and your mood immediately start to change. People who are in good moods will place a lot more importance to what you have to say.

Questions and Listening

Your next goal is to sincerely try to find out as much as you can about the person. Ask quality questions; find out what is important to the person, goals, beliefs, interests, etc. The key is to be sincere so the person feels comfortable and is more likely to open up. Try to have a calm demeanor refrain from being overly eager as this might scare the person. You must be able to match the mood of the person. If the person is excited to tell you a story you must become excited as well. If the person is telling you a sad story you must show sincere empathy. Be open minded and really listen to the person.

Listening: Try to listen at least twice as much as you talk. Listening requires more than just pretending to listen or simply hearing a person talk. Listening and hearing are two completely different things and the person can tell if you’re really listening to them, or simply hearing them speak. Being a good listener is a skill, you must become an active listener. Remember this is all about the other person, who cares if you don’t get to talk about your self. In the end the other person will love you for it. They will tell their friends

“Man I really enjoyed talking to that person”….why is that? Was he a very interesting person? “You know what…I really don’t know why…I really don’t know much about him”

This shouldn’t bother you because in the end you greatly benefited from the situation as well. If you’re an effective listener you will gain a better understanding of that person’s thoughts, perspectives, feelings and actions. You have to remember that most people would rather talk than listen, but most of the time this person is not very influential. Take this as an opportunity to become more persuasive and influential.

Sometimes the problem with most people is that listening to them doesn’t have much value. They feel that in order to get people to like them they must do a great deal of the talking. Think about that for a minute, how do you like it when another person is talking so much that when you try and say something they still keep talking. You eventually quit listening to that person because you got to annoyed. Now sometimes you don’t need to do most of the listening, you constantly need to evaluate the situation. Sometimes people really want to hear what you have to say. In this situation still try and get the other person involved and flip around the question that they just asked you.

People who talk too much

1. People always talk about them behind their backs

2. In group settings they feel they always need to say something just to feel like they are contributing.

3. Usually have very big egos

4. They ask questions that they already have the answers too

5. Because they are so focused on having something to say aren’t even listening to what someone is saying.

People Who Listen Effectively

1.Get the whole picture, than they can act accordingly.

2.Everyone loves a good listener so you will make tons of friends.

3.No one talks bad about you, who ever said “man that kid just loves to listen too much”

Good listening is going to really take effort. The reason is that people can think a lot faster than people can speak. What ends up happening is that you begin to think of other things as that person is speaking. Than you become consumed with those thoughts. Next thing you know the other person asks you “So than do you think I did the right thing”. You weren’t listening so you have no idea what to say. This is one of biggest turn offs in trying to become friends with that person.

Things to avoid when Listening

Don’t Interrupt

Because you have the upper hand by thinking faster than someone who is speaking, you will become tempted to interrupt. Don’t because the other person will get the feeling that you don’t care what they are saying and want to bring back the topic of conversation to you. The other person might also have great momentum going in telling you a story, but when you interrupt them their story doesn’t carry as much feeling when they go back to speaking. You also show that you are one of those people who enjoy speaking more than being a good listener. When you interrupt you are also making assumptions of what you think the other person is about to say. This might cause you to miss out completely different information. Because you interrupted them the other person might not even want to continue telling you about it.

Don’t Finish Other Peoples Sentences

Don't Offer Advice too Soon

Compliments + Appreciation

The way to make people feel important is through sincere compliments and appreciation. Most people go out their way to do something, to get other people to notice them, yet most people don’t. Get in the habit of noticing the little things about people. In the end the little things are what matter and what end up making a person unique so pay attention. Next time you see them, be the first to give them a sincere compliment on something even as simple as their hair cut. By making other people feel good about them selves you should also feel good for doing it, it’s a win win situation.

Many times people walk around with the mentality that other people owe them something, nobody owes you anything. Whenever anybody does anything for you show your appreciation and let them know you don’t take anything for granted. Be spontaneous get the person a small gift when they don’t expect it.

Encouragement

Once you find out what is truly important to someone you must provide encouragement. Everyone has dreams and aspirations. Be the one who encourages them to pursue their goals. Any insight or information that’s empowering will provide a boost to their confidence. Most people are so afraid of failure that they will not pursue their goals. They will give you all the reasons why their goals are out of reach. Your goal should be to switch their focus on the negative reasons to the ways how they can make it happen. You have to remember that whatever we focus on becomes our reality, so when you focus only on the negative aspects that’s all you will see. When they give you a reason why they can’t do it, ask them if that’s really a reason or a mere excuse. If they are excuses show them how destructive it is to be in this mental state. Make them realize that all their hopes and dreams are in danger all because of petty excuses. One of the best feelings you will get in dealing with people, is when you get another person excited about his goals or ideas. Now that the person is excited you need to point them in the right direction. Help them research the world they want to be in; find out as much relevant information. Help them create a plan and deadlines that will help them reach their goals. Start with small attainable goals, this will help them gain momentum and than move onto more challenging goals. By being active in the whole process you will build a deeper and more influential relationship with that person. He will not see you as a mere friend but as an ally in their journey to success.

Plan and Organize Social Events

One of the best ways to develop a meaningful experience with someone is through a social event. Whenever you participate in an event or trip your relationship with those people will become even greater. When I studied abroad in Prague I have never developed such strong relationships in such a short amount of time. I met people from all over the world and on the weekends we would take trips to other countries. On these trips I made incredible bonds, because everyone was on an adventure of experiencing new things together. Experiences are always magnified with more people involved. Just think about when you are watching a funny movie all by yourself you begin to laugh but than realize no one is there to enjoy the moment with you and your experience is quickly diminished .

I hope all these pointers will help everyone become more influential, take care and much success to everyone!

http://www.howtogetyourshineon.com

About The Author

Ivan Campuzano

A recent Colorado State University graduate with a degree in Finance. While at CSU Ivan studied abroad for a semester at the School of Economics (VSE) in Prague. Prague was such an amazing experience for Ivan, that he decided to move back and pursue several of his dreams.Interests: investing,trading,reading,traveling,music,meeting new people,and looking for new opportunities.

How to Become a Leader - 3 Life Lessons You Need to Learn

The problem many people encounter when trying to become a leader is fear of messing up and doing the wrong thing. Since leaders are responsible to know the right way to take or the right decision to make, the people aiming to acquire this skill tremble in fear and insecurity. I want you to know that this is just a stepping-stone because you will eventually learn and get use to it. The hardest part is to actually commit to become a leader.

Lesson #1 Face Your Fears

The best way to get over your fears and insecurities is to face them. Get a pen and paper and write down the fears that come to mind when wanting to become a leader. By writing down your fears you have a clear view of what you are dealing with. It is like the saying, in order to find the solution you must first find out the problem.

Lesson #2 Listen To Those Who Lead

When starting out on the journey to become a leader you probably have no idea where to start. Well the answer to this problem is very simple, all you have to do is read books on past leaders you admire and start to learn about them and their experiences. Remember that knowledge is power so you must obtain as much as you can from those great leaders that came before you.

Lesson #3 Accept Yourself As A Leader

Before anyone can accept you as a leader you must learn to accept yourself. The thoughts that you assume people are thinking about you are the total opposite. Many people don't think anything of you unless you feel that way about yourself. Once you learn to accept yourself then others will begin to embrace you and admire you.

There are many lessons in life to learn but only those with open minds are able to learn them. How much knowledge will you miss out on by having a closed mind?

About the Author

Omar Negron is a 21 year old internet marketer who is student of attraction marketing and teaches hidden techniques on how to market your business on the internet.

Want to learn how he generates 35+ leads a day? Get your FREE attraction marketing strategy from the Co-Creator of www.MyMLMMagic.com

I Think I Can. I Think I Can. Can I?

I think I can. I think I can. Can I?

Your mental train ticket to self-empowerment

We all find ourselves at certain points in our lives holding first class tickets to negative mental trains of thought. Michele Wahlder (MS, LPC, PCC), a two-time cancer survivor and Dallas, Texas-based Certified Life Coach and Psychotherapist, has placed thousands of people on the right track to self-empowerment via a plan she calls the 5 C Process. The journey challenges individuals to:

One

Clarify Current View – Where are you now- honestly?

Conscious awareness of your current view is the first step in becoming the best you can be. Getting clear about how your life aligns with your values, talents and unique gifts is vital to your happiness. You need to know where you are in order to learn where you want to go.

You can clarify your current view by completing a review of eight life areas. Be honest with yourself about how happy are you with your profession, finances, health and overall well-being, primary relationships, personal development, spirituality, environment, hobbies, etc.

Two

Connect with Your Highest Vision – Where do you want to be?

Example: A client of mine, a yoga instructor, decided she was happy teaching but wanted to contribute to the world on a larger level. She wasn’t happy with the quality of the yoga clothing that was accessible to her and her fellow yogis. Her vision was to design and create fun, hip and timeless yoga clothes using eco-conscious fabrics.

You have to get really clear about what you want. It is crucial that you connect to your highest vision of yourself because you can’t create it unless you are clear about what it looks like. If you don’t have a vision of where you want to go or what you want to be, you will most likely NOT get there. To quote Henrietta Klauser, “If you have a connection to what you want, take the next step and write it down.” If you don’t have any idea about what you want, or how you want to be in life to bring about greater happiness, begin looking through magazines and create a Vision Board/Collage of what attracts you. You may also want to consider getting an outside perspective from a friend or a professional coach. I take my clients through a guided imagery that gives them a glimpse of what their future could look like. There are also books that can help guide you. Just get help assessing your talents, divine gifts and abilities and then determine how you want to use them more fully in the world. We can’t help others as fully, if we are not aware of how we can best serve. So instead of thinking of it as selfish to engage in knowing yourself better, I would suggest you consider it selfish to hold back and not be the best you can be. Only in this way, can we help the world and others.

Three

Create Inspiring Goals – How will you get there?

Example: My client created a tiered plan of what needed to happen step by step – outer goal. All of this was influenced by her inner goal of keeping a measured pace and a balanced life. Her goal was to enjoy the process.

You have to create a plan and take specific actions to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. When most people write goals, they just write a list of action steps, usually external actions. I believe it is more powerful to have inner and outer goals. An outer goal is what you want. For instance, you might think, “I want a new house”. An inner goal is more focused on the how. How will a new home benefit me and my family? Will it offer more common gathering areas, a larger kitchen so that we can cook together, etc.? How can I appreciate what I have now until I get this home? How can I make this a joyful experience rather than a stressful one? If you can not be grateful for what you have now, then when you get a new home, it will only create very short-term happiness for you. Then, you will be focused on the next external illusion of happiness. For 2008, I suggest taking at least three of the life areas I mentioned earlier and jot down how you couldbenefit from living your highest vision in each area. Next, add action steps toward your desired achievements along with completion dates.

Four

Clear Obstacles – How will you remove obstacles in your way?

We all have dreams and visions for our life, but frankly, there are many things that can get in the way. The two most common obstacles I see with my clients are:

The inability to say NO— In order to bridge the gap from your current view to your highest vision, you have to make room for what “Could Be”. If your life is full and you want to add more of the things that are truly important in your life, you should start the change process by making room first. You must say no to some things in your life, so you can say yes to what is most important. You have to give up the destructive habits, behaviors and activities to make room for new ones.

A metaphor would be a water hose watering a flowering plant. The water in the hose is your life force and the flowering plant is what you are trying to grow in your life. If the water hose has leaks, it will not have enough water or life force/energy to reach its desired outcome or vision (to grow the plant into full bloom). Examples of leaks might include toxic friendships, unrealistic expectations, watching too much television, eating sugar, overspending, negative relational patterns with your spouse or working on an outdated job.

Example: A client’s obstacle here was that her 8- year-old daughter needed caring for and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to be a good mother plus jumpstart a successful, new business. We remedied this issue by getting clear on the proper definition of a good mother. Also, practically speaking, she needed help picking up her daughter from school. So she got her husband to assist her in this area so she would have time to create this new business.

Negative self-talk—Research shows we have approximately 50,000 internal messages we say to ourselves daily. We are constantly walking around having conversations with ourselves. And it is what we say that makes all the difference in the overall quality of our lives.

Example: I was once in Starbucks, and I watched this woman spill her coffee while reaching for a sugar packet and I heard her say out loud, “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”

Now, I just happen to hear her, but this is an example of something you might say internally as well. You might think, “No big deal. I say things like this to myself all the time.” Well, IT IS A BIG DEAL as our subconscious hears these messages and acts on them as if they were real. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t want someone else saying to you.

Think of self-talk like mental fuel. Now, imagine filling your car with dirty water. We all know you wouldn’t get very far. Now, take that same car and fill it with high quality gasoline. You’ll most likely reach your destination. It is the same with people and the words we use. If the words are negative and toxic, we will sputter along with low energy and our performance suffers. If our words are positive and tender, we will feel confident, energized, encouraged and will most likely meet our goals faster and easier. Here are some key things to remember if you ever find yourself preparing to board the train of BAD self-talk:

B– stands for belittling self-talk. Stop telling yourself, “I am not good enough.” If your dream is to have a healthy self-confidence, which of the following examples is more likely to get your there:

A. “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”

B. “Whoops, mistakes happen.”

Can you see how the Answer B is much kinder?

A – stands for awfulizing. Stop predicting a future filled with gloom and doom, and dwelling on scary thoughts. If you dream of obtaining a career you love, which of the following will move you closer to your vision:

A. “I did terribly on my interview, I’ll never find a job I like.”

B. “I will answer that question on past employment differently next time and I will ace it! I know I will one day have the job I love.”

Can you see how Answer B places you in the mindset of a successful job search?

D – stands for deceiving. This is when you deceive yourself into thinking you are a victim, and that other people are to blame for your circumstances. If we want a happy relationship which will of the below responses will aid in achieving this goal:

A. “If my spouse would only do more around the house, then I would be happy.”

B. “I can and will choose happiness today, no matter what my spouse does.”

Answer B is the right choice, wouldn’t you agree?

S – stands for shoulding – This is when you give yourself a lot of shoulds, musts, and ought tos, then beat yourself up for not living up to unrealistic standards. Say your dream is to be in top physical condition, which will further that:

A. “I should have eaten a salad for lunch instead of that big ol’ hamburger. I’m such a pig!”

B. “I could have eaten a salad, but I chose not to. Tomorrow I will make healthier choices.”

The second choice is so much more inspiring, don’t you think?

Five

Commit to Action – Are you willing to do what it takes?

The final step of the 5 C Process is to commit to action. How many times have we all made plans and never carried them out, or started off excited and lost motivation? No one ever does anything great alone. We all need encouragement and support from others including an accountability partner who is willing to help hold the vision of the person you want to be. In the previous example of my client, her biggest negative self-talk was how to be a good mom and a good business woman. Her thoughts were, “If I don’t pick up my child every day from school, I am a bad mother.” Instead, we replaced it with, “Picking up my child from school daily is not what makes me a good mother. I am, indeed, a fabulous mother.”

Here are the four action steps that have been proven to help you eliminate your negative self talk:

• Become aware of your negative messages –listen to voice in head

• Stop! You have to stop immediately if you find yourself dwelling on any negative thoughts

• Replace negative thoughts with a kinder alternatives

• Practice. It takes a commitment of time in order to turn a pattern of negative thinking into a more positive train of thought.

This interview was referenced by http://www.chinika.com. To learn more about Michele’s 5 C Process and her upcoming seminars, please call 214 -823-LIFE ( 5433), or visit her Web site at http://www.michelewahlder.com Once there, you will also be able to download a free workbook containing strategies on how to obtain a positive outlook on life.

About The Author

Michele Wahlder, LPC, CLC, PCC, is a Professional Certified Life Coach and Psychotherapist, specializing in relationship enhancement, career transitions, and overall health & well-being. For more information or a complimentary 40 minute telephone consultation, please contact her at 214-823-LIFE(5433) or visit her website at http://www.michelewahlder.com.

YOUR GATEWAY TO SUCCESS

Each and every day, we progress on the journey of Life. Every person has the power to direct the flow of his or her success, even without the use of words. Take a moment and think about it. What is the number one characteristic that impacts you the most regarding your interaction with another person? What leaves a lasting impression? Your gateway to success is your SMILE!

There is amazing personal power behind simply smiling. Right now, take a minute and just smile. Feel the energy that overtakes you and radiates from you. Your smile is the gateway to your success, because it is one of the personal keys to unleashing success in your life. I received the following sentiment of a smile from a member of my mastermind team, who just happens to have a fantastic smile of her own. Smiling is infectious; you catch it like the flu. When someone smiled at me today, I started smiling too. I passed around the corner and someone saw my grin, when he smiled, I realized I had passed it on to him. I thought about that smile, and realized its worth. A single smile, just like mine, could travel around the Earth. So if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected...Let's start an epidemic quick and get the world infected! - Author Unknown

Today, I challenge you to smile and begin to see the positive productive results that you will experience. So give it a try...SMILE and spread the power behind "Your Gateway to Success". Motivating champions worldwide! John Di Lemme John wants to give you a FREE copy of his e-book

"177 Motivational Quotes to Live the Championship Life"

Go here now >>>> www.motive8.me

About the Author

John is an International Motivational Speaker, Author and Business Coach who, through his live-seminars, training programs, live teleclasses, and websites has made a reality for thousands of people worldwide.

John wants to give you a FREE copy of his e-book

"177 Motivational Quotes to Live the Championship Life"

Go here now >>>> www.motive8.me

For updates on live events, teleclasses and more

go to >>>>>> http://john-dilemme.com

Does the Truth Help or Hurt Relationships?

Remember how your relationship was in the very beginning?

You stayed up all night talking about everything - your dreams and desires and even the things that scare or embarrass you. But then, as the relationship went a long, you stopped talking about so much. Everything became so heavy and meaningful.

In the beginning, things were great. There was a level of trust and open communication that created intimacy and understanding. So, what happened to that? Where did it go and how can you get it back?

I used to try to protect my partner from those heavy, bad moods and ugly thoughts. I went to my room and hung out until I felt like socializing again.

I thought I was noble in my ability to control what came out of my mouth.

I thought I was kind because I never let on what I was thinking.

But what I was doing was ruining my relationships. There was no relationship. I was cutting myself off from others and never allowing them to know me. They never knew what I was thinking or feeling or needing.

I was an island. A very lonely island.

I really thought that if I let people know the ugly thoughts, not only would they be hurt - but they would probably become angry and disown me - betray me, talk shit behind my back. I would be the outcast.

So I beat them to the punch! Hah! I'd banish myself to my own room (or apartment, as I got older). I'd banish myself to silence.

You can either have a N.I.C.E. (Not Interested in Connecting Emotionally) relationship... where you hide what is true out of fear. Or you can have an alive, real relationship with intimacy, compassion and understanding.

Some people withhold from their partner and add an extra zinger -- they put on a show of pain and discomfort in order to punish them. It's an effort to communicate just how much pain they're in. But none of it's verbalized. It's a show of the pain.

When you start keeping secrets and withholding,.. when you cut off the sharing of life force between you,... you're cutting off the intimacy in your relationship. Even if you think you're protecting your partner from painful or embarrassing thoughts - it's still destroying your relationship.

Relationships require sharing... both our dreams and desires along with our doubts and fears.

What are you feeling and what needs of yours are being met or not? ...

I'm happy because my need for support in keeping our home is being met.

I'm disappointed because my need for partnership isn't being met in the way we're handling our finances.

I'm sad because my need for connection isn't being met when you're out with your friends every evening.

You can find out more about this style of intimate communication, along with other advice on building healthy, intimate relationships, at our website: www MagicRelationship dot com.

Another tip: when you offer your feelings and needs, it's best to follow them with a request. If you offer them without a request, your partner won't know why you're giving them the information.

Do you want to be just heard?

Do you want advice?

Do you want to come up with a strategy for meeting your needs? Why the heck are you telling me this?

Often, a comment without a request will be taken as blame... which will lead to fixing, fighting or fleeing. Don't leave your poor partner hanging.

Paul and I recommend asking, "Would you tell me what you heard me say?" (Avoid saying 'could'- it implies they aren't intelligent enough to repeat you. And avoid saying "What did I say?" because what you said and what they heard are two different things.)

And one more tip: don't think that little behaviors are enough to be warranted as 'sharing feelings and needs.' Fixing your honey a cup of coffee in the morning is very sweet, but it may not communicate your feelings of love and contentment like actually verbalizing the information. "I love you so much", PLUS the cup of coffee goes much further.

Frowning and throwing around the bed covers while you make the bed may not adequately communicate your feelings and needs, either.

Instead, say: "I'm feeling disappointed because my need for support around the house isn't being met. Would you be willing to discuss a way to help that would also meet your needs?"

There's no room for misinterpretation there.

Try it out this holiday season: make a pact with your beloved to share absolutely ALL your feelings and needs for one day - the good, the bad and the ugly. Then follow the information with a request.

Be prepared to spend some time processing and discussing those feelings and needs as they come up.

However, try to avoid getting into BLAMING and 'FAULT' behind the feelings and needs. That tends to end up in a free-for-all about evaluations and judgments - who's right and who's wrong. Try to stick with feelings, needs and requests.

Try to do this on a day when you'll have the time.

You won't want to get cut off because you have to run to pick up the kids right when you're getting to the heart of an issue that's snuck up silently between you.

You're going to want to stay and hold each other and talk it through... and feel the intimacy of clearing out all of those old, crusty feelings and unmet needs that have been clogging the flow of love.

And, again, you can find out more about this style of intimate communication for relationships, at our website - www MagicRelationship dot com - a along with advice on building healthy relationships.

About the Author

Kristin Denton & Paul Sterling teach Relationship Communication Skills - Live Seminars or Tele-Classes including - 4 Steps To Instant Intimacy & Understanding - Relationship-Wrecking Mistakes -To get a free copy of 'The 5 Mistakes Report' go to http://www.magicRelationship.com/freeaccess Free Report

'MENYALAHKAN SEBENARNYA TIDAK PENTING'

Aku baru masuk kuliah saat bertemu dengan Keluarga White.

Mereka sangat berbeda dengan keluargaku, namun aku langsung merasa betah bersama mereka.

Aku dan Jane White berteman di sekolah, dan keluarganya menyambutku- orang luar-seperti sepupu jauh.

Dalam keluargaku, jika ada masalah, menyalahkan orang itu selalu penting.

'Siapa yang melakukan ini?' ibuku membentak melihat dapur berantakan.

'lni semua salahmu, Katharine,' ayahku berkeras jika kucing berhasil keluar rumah atau mesin cuci piring rusak.

Sejak kami kecil, aku dan saudara-saudaraku saling mengadu.

Kami menyiapkan kursi untuk si Terdakwa di meja makan.

Tapi Keluarga White tidak mencemaskan siapa berbuat apa. Mereka merapikan yang berantakan dan melanjutkan hidup mereka.

lndahnya hal ini kusadari penuh pada musim panas ketika Jane meninggal.

Keluarga White memiliki enam anak: tiga lelaki, tiga perempuan.

Satu putranya meninggal saat masih kecil, mungkin karena itulah kelima yang tersisa menjadi dekat.

Di bulan Juli, aku dan tiga putri White memutuskan berjalan-jalan naik mobil dari rumah mereka di Florida ke New York .

Dua yang tertua, Sarah dan Jane, adalah mahasiswa, dan yang terkecil, Amy, baru menginjak enam belas tahun.

Sebagai pemilik SIM baru yang bangga, Amy gembira ingin melatih keterampilan mengemudinya selama perjalanan itu.

Dengan tawanya yang lucu, ia memamerkan SIM-nya kepada siapa saja yang ditemuinya.

Kedua kakaknya ikut mengemudikan mobil pada bagian pertama perjalanan, tapi saat mereka tiba di daerah yang berpenduduk jarang, mereka membolehkan Amy mengemudi.

Di suatu tempat di South Carolina , kami keluar dari jalan tol untuk makan. Setelah makan, Amy mengemudi lagi. Ia tiba di perempatan dengan tanda stop untuk mobil dari arah kami. Entah ia gugup atau tidak memperhatikan atau tidak melihat tandanya tak akan ada yang tahu. Amy terus menerjang perempatan tanpa berhenti. Pengemudi trailer semi-traktor besar itu tak mampu mengerem pada waktunya, dan menabrak kendaraan kami. Jane langsung meninggal. Aku selamat hanya dengan sedikit memar.

Hal tersulit yang kulakukan adalah menelepon Keluarga White dan memberitakan kecelakaan itu dan bahwa Jane meninggal.

Sesakit apa pun perasaanku kehilangan seorang sahabat, aku tahu bagi mereka jauh lebih pedih kehilangan anak.

Saat suami-istri White tiba di rumah sakit, mereka mendapatkan dua putri mereka di sebuah kamar.

Kepala dibalut perban; kaki Amy digips.

Mereka memeluk kami semua dan menitikkan air mata duka dan bahagia saat melihat putri mereka.

Mereka menghapus air mata kedua putrinya dan menggoda Amy hingga tertawa sementara ia belajar menggunakan kruknya.

Kepada kedua putri mereka, dan terutama kepada Amy, berulang-ulang mereka hanya berkata, 'Kami gembira kalian masih hidup.'

Aku tercengang.

Tak ada tuduhan.

Tak ada tudingan.

Kemudian, aku menanyakan Keluarga White mengapa mereka tak pernah membicarakan fakta bahwa Amy yang mengemudi dan melanggar rambu-rambu lalu lintas.

Bu White berkata, 'Jane sudah tiada, dan kami sangat merindukannya. Tak ada yang dapat kami katakan atau perbuat yang dapat menghidupkannya kembali. Tapi hidup Amy masih panjang. Bagaimana ia bisa menjalani hidup yang nyaman dan bahagia jika ia merasa kami menyalahkannya atas kematian kakaknya?'

Mereka benar. Amy lulus kuliah dan menikah beberapa tahun yang lalu.

Ia bekerja sebagai guru sekolah anak luar biasa.

Putrinya sendiri sudah dua, yang tertua bernama Jane.

Aku belajar dari Keluarga White bahwa menyalahkan sebenarnya tidak penting.

Bahkan, kadang-kadang, tak ada gunanya sama sekali.

(Author Unknown)

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.

(Paul Boese)